Telling our stories makes us feel better, people may however not feel how we felt as they unfolded before us, nothing compares with being an eye witness, the subject of the account, the owner of the story! But we tell it nonetheless, that through our words, they may catch a glimpse.
I needed a break joor, I was consumed with school work, I needed small time for myself. The two weeks warning strike came right on time and I thought it was the opportunity I needed to prepare for my exams, in school. “Vacate the school premises before 12pm today” I saw this memo, I was unfazed, benefits of a lodge. I didn't think I'll go home. But wait, which one is Covid -19? Why is there panic? Why does school have to shut down? Shey its not in Nigeria yet? I don’t know how and why I changed my mind, but I went home. Lets leave it at I was driven home against my will. I did not speculate how long, I just went home. No expectations, at least initially.
I had been looking for time for a personal retreat, time to spend quality time with Abba, without having to rush out for lectures, time to build intimacy. This was the best time, God had cleared my schedule he had actually paused time for me to spend time with him. I remembered all the times we prayed for time to stop, this was really happening, it had stopped. After months of prayer and building intimacy, It started to dawn on me that Oya oh, other countries have started school, private schools have started. Time had started to count, I started praying for a miracle. New goal- “Father please let school reopen” (lol).
Sincerely, within this break I have had bitter sweet experiences, enjoyment in disguise, confusion, anger, mixed emotions...oh my! I am an introvert I don't do social gatherings, I don't normally reach out to people, if I don't absolutely have to. In this time, I have sent “hi” to everyone on my contact. I never expected this, boredom and inactivity changed me.
Trends come and go, today it's wahala for who no blah blah. Waking up every morning became annoying as I go to bed thinking of what to do the next day. I became planless. I got involved in different things like business, the kain skill acquisition, funny thing is how I went back to art (long forgotten skill oh), studying other book, tried to keep up with law notes, thought I had it all under control. You know.." everything in check"
I am not usually at home even during holidays but this time I felt like a house wife, doing house chores, taking care of everyone's needs became 50% of my schedule, I love the kitchen but...(sigh) I am tired.
One day I told my mum,"I want to get married Nigerian government and ASUU can't halt my life abeg" She laughed in full support. I got tired of thinking what's next? Everyone looking for what to do, the way forward. Times when I was lost in feelings of sameness, stagnancy, confusion, dismay, disappointment, discouragement, hopelessness, and even depressed.
Light has come through for me, this boat I have been sailing, I finally gave up. I noticed at the beginning I let God, somewhere in between, I got frustrated cause I had taken control again. God has given me comfort. Now, its realignment, illumination and purposeful living for me, importantly I got my smile back😊.
Although my hands are rough and bruised I am convinced that a handless person needs it, my smile can comfort another, my words can strengthen another. Jesus took the wheel of my life. And I feel alright now.
I love this 🌹❤️🌹
I could relate to this 98%. The 2% I don't relate with is that I'm a guy and so marriage never crossed my mind 😅
Take care, Fabby and let God!